My last post about unconditional love changed my purpose a little bit. It was by far the most responded to post I’ve had yet. I can’t stop thinking both about the post itself and the comments by the people who read it. The level of passion it stirs in me, coupled with the discussions it has spawned in my own social groups show me that this is a hot topic that I can build on. I’ve thought of many additional points I want to add to that article. It also created in me a whole line of related subjects I want to write about.

I listened to a podcast last night that said something like “the thing that you want most to change about the world around you points you to your purpose,” and “the activities you do that makes time and your troubles disappear for a little while is the talent you should use to fulfill your purpose.” Those two things sound all new age and full of spiritual BS, but if I take them purely at face value and ignore the spiritual implications, they become something I can action. The thing I most want to change is how we, as the human race, view and treat ourselves and each other. And the activity that makes time disappear is translating from vague clichés and technical jargon into plain, relatable language. That’s what motivated me to start this blog in the first place. I want to share my experiences and be as transparent as I can so that just maybe I’ll be able to find the unconditional love and acceptance I believe every person deserves. I also want to show others what unconditional love looks like, as well as how and why each of us should give it.

I won’t get into the subject of unconditional love much in this post except to share my epiphany about my purpose. I will start with a little background though. A year ago I lost my wife, job and home all in a matter of a couple months. And although everyone would agree that those things hurt, I already saw the end of each of them coming months earlier. My subhuman self image didn’t let me believe I deserved any of them anyway, so I wasn’t surprised when they all came crashing down at once. I believed at the time that it only proved how worthless I really was. So, yes, those things hurt, but only in that they reinforced my opinion of myself. What I hoped for beyond all reasonable hope was for unconditional love. I couldn’t love myself because of how much I had betrayed myself and let myself down and hurt those around me, so my only hope to get love was to be loved despite my worthlessness – unconditionally – so that I couldn’t wreck it or lose it. Everything crashing down like that only served to dash those hopes for unconditional love. Yes, I responded with the usual depression, feelings of hopelessness, and suicidal thoughts, but not because I felt unloved or worthless. My response was to give up on myself. My last, best hopes of finding my place in the world all vanished at the same time with such finality that I didn’t even feel most of the pain. I spent the next few months in what I’ll call ‘emotional shock’. I didn’t start to feel the hurt until months later. All my suffering, I believed, could have been prevented, or at least mitigated, if my wife, my boss, and/or my landlord would have had some unconditional love for me instead of ending our association. I understand that, logically, I had nothing to offer any of them. Hell, I didn’t then believe I had anything to offer anybody. So, I agreed with all of them ending things. They weren’t going to get anything from me anyway. This all might sound like I’m blaming others for my pain and suffering. I’m not. What I’m saying is that by offering unconditional love to people, we might help them feel lovable at times in their lives when they are unable to love themselves.

I did keep my membership to the dance club I was in, I also joined a writers’ group. Both helped me to start seeing value in myself. It wasn’t long before I started to feel the unconditional love I had been longing for all my life. Not in the intimate way I had been searching for all the years before I met my wife. Nor in the ways I thought my wife and family should give me. Instead, I started feeling the innate love most people have for each other. More than that though, it felt as though it didn’t matter who I was or what I’ve done, it felt unconditional.

During this same time period, a couple old friends contacted me to catch up. One of them was especially concerned for my personal health and safety. He has kept in regular contact with me ever since, regardless if he was the one initiating most of the contact. Eventually, I started feeling the unconditional nature of our friendship. It turns out it was there all along, but I didn’t know it.

Over the past year, I’ve held onto these feelings and used that to build some self worth. I’ve began to see myself as deserving of self love simply by existing as a human being. Through that, I’ve started to believe that other people might find real value in my company and talents. That helped me a lot when it came to writing. I know I can write, and write well. Just because I can write, though, doesn’t mean anyone will care. If I want to make a living as a writer, someone needs to want what I’ve written enough to pay for it. However, I won’t get to the point where anyone will care about my writing if I don’t write. If I keep writing, eventually I will write something that someone will pay for. I recently started to focus on my blog as the next step on that journey. I have written a few posts sporadically over the past few months about my personal and professional experiences with depression and other mental conditions. The content always hits a cord with the writers’ group, so I decided to focus on that and make a regular thing out of it.

My epiphany comes just last night when I listened to that podcast. When they said a person’s purpose comes from the one thing they most want to change in the world, a light went on in my head. I want people to love each other unconditionally. The post I wrote a few days ago hit a soft spot in my social circle and started a lot of conversations. The post is about unconditional love. Many of my friends had something to say about the subject. That tells me that people do have an investment in their perception of what unconditional love means.

The new direction I’m going is to talk about different mental conditions and personality types and include the why and how to love them unconditionally. Most of that isn’t new, although, most of what written is by women and is less relatable for men like myself. What will set my blog apart will be how I write them as well as the point of the articles. They will be why you should show unconditional love to the different people in your life and how you can do so without undue risk to yourself or those around you. And I will write from a more masculine point of view so that men will relate better and hopefully break the pattern of silence us guys have around mental and emotional disorders. Although, by all means ladies, please enter the conversation as well. It’s not open conversation if it excludes anyone at all.

If this or any other subject stirs you to conversation, drop me a message. I’d love to hear from you.