We all know someone that needs encouragement. Most of us can also think of someone we admire. But, have you even stopped to really consider the point of view of those people that we disdain or out right condescend? How about from the other side of the picture? I’m sure you can remember times when you have felt the encouragement of the people around you: often when you were trying something new or hard. There’s probably a few among us that have felt the praise of others for the success we have reached. Can you remember the support you got after you had shown you could do something, but hadn’t yet mastered it enough to be recognised for success? In my own life that is the point I have given up on the things I could have been good at.

Can you remember your own children or kids you have known as they learn to do new things? While we see them learning something new or hard, we encourage them to “try your best” and “just keep going”. Once we’ve seen them do it for the hundredth time, we don’t give them the same attention. They might be lucky to get any acknowledgement at all. “Yes dear, that’s a pretty picture,” is the response many kids get while mom or dad doesn’t even take the time to actually look at the 20^th piece of art their child has brought them that day. Worse yet, some people look at the pictures and think, usually to themselves, “There’s nothing there. Why would you praise that? It’s just scribbles on a page.” However, things change again if that same child keeps drawing and coloring and, one day a few years later, they present an accurate representation of their favorite cartoon character. Suddenly that child deserves national attention and a specialised art school where he/she can culture those talents. But have you wondered where that talent came from and how they stayed with it long enough to get that far? Most parents would like to take some of the credit here, but let’s be honest, do you really think “yes dear,” is enough encouragement for a heart hungry for mom and dad’s admiration? Not for a second. Why do you think so few people who have real talent ever develop it? Because “yes dear,” isn’t enough for most of us. God forbid one of those kids actually hear someone call their ‘art’ “just scribbles.” You can almost watch their little hearts crushed under that ugliness called criticism that they don’t even understand.

How about when we notice someone we know has a talent or skill we think is valuable. If we’ve just noticed or they have recently started exploring that gift, most of us are very encouraging. What is your reaction when it’s their 50^th big sale, or their 30^th interesting blog post. I’d be willing to bet that it’s significantly smaller than the first few times. After all, it’s become the new norm. Who recognises normal. Even if each one is slightly better than the last one, we probably wouldn’t notice the difference. Some of us look at someone who is ‘faking it till they make it’ with their talent and we might call them pretentious or arrogant. Isn’t that the point of ‘faking till you make it’? Pretending we are good at something until we actually become good at it? Us artists don’t believe we can do it either, but someone early on told us to ‘keep at it’ and ‘push through’, so that’s what we are doing. That’s why it seems we are pretending, because even we think we are. The recognition returns when a milestone is met, but even that recognition is usually short lived until the person reaches a point that is impressive even amongst their peers. That is when the encouragement and recognition returns on an on-going basis, but by then we are so used to pretending that we still don’t believe the praise.

In my own experience, I’m usually able to find a lot of encouragement early in the process. As I get better at it though, I find it hard to stay motivated because my support group usually loses interest so when I share my achievements, it seems as though nobody cares. I sometimes even hear, “your writing isn’t all that good” or “the subject isn’t very interesting.” Take this blog for example. When people first find out I have it, they are all encouraging and most even read an article or two. Sometimes they will like or comment on them, I might get a phone call from them if they know me personally. But so far, no one outside my writers’ group has even recognised most of the articles I post. This is the hard part that I have to just ‘push through’ according to all the writing advice I’ve gotten. Most of the encouragement I get these last few days is the shallow ‘that’s cool’, kind of comments that carry no sincerity and even less commitment. I know that if I stick with it long enough that I will eventually gain an organic audience that wants to consume my writing. But how does a guy with very little self esteem find the motivation to do something when it seems like few actually care? I feel like I’m hitting the encouragement gap right now. That point where those closest to me have fulfilled the obligation to get me started, but I haven’t reached enough milestones to gain sincere appreciation from my own audience. More to the point, where can you get the motivation to persevere when your support system fails to hold you up?

The answer, for now, is from where ever you can find it. Join a club that you can share that activity with. Most hobby centered clubs I’ve been a part of are very encouraging to all the members regardless of where they are in the journey. I get a lot support from my writers’ group and dance club. I’ve also made some friendships from each one. When I get validation from one of those hobby groups, it feels real and sincere; having friends among these groups giving me that encouragement hits it home just a little harder. I think this is why nearly every podcast I listen to lists writing peers as the greater part of their friendships, because they were the ones to support them when the non-writers in their circles lagged in the encouragement department. Also, the podcasts I listen to feel like another community all together that I can rely on to always be there and be encouraging. The most valuable relationships for this kind of support are the ones the artist doesn’t need to earn.

If you are one of the non-artist types with an artist friend, this is the part where you can be most helpful. Don’t let your encouragement dwindle. In our quest to get better and better we have to make a lot of mistakes. Sometimes our quality will actual drop for a time as we learn the craft of our chosen discipline. Even when it does, keep the excitement up. Be genuinely happy to see what we present to you. Regardless of the end product, we have usually poured our heart and soul into the creation of it, but we never really believe it’s good enough for public consumption (just ask any successful author). The best ones among us join like-minded clubs to practice, get feedback, and improve. What we need you for is pure, plain joy. We share our passions with you because we really want you to appreciate what we have done. We don’t need you to critique it (unless we specifically ask for that, even then it’s best to direct us to a club or group), what we really need from our non-artist friends is unadulterated admiration or, in other words, unconditional love.

We are soft creatures, us creators. We need people that will help us protect our squishy insides from the harshness that is the public. Our best writing comes out when we manage to open our vulnerable hearts to the refreshing air and the healing rays of the sunshine. While we are trying ever harder to get in touch with that pure creativity at our core, we need our friends around us to ensure the air we expose ourselves to is actually clean and pristine, and not the fetid corruption of a waste dump in an industrial area. As each of us strives to let the sun shine on our creative embryo, it’s the job of our peers to provide a little water and shade to make sure we don’t burn up in the brilliance of our pure genius.

All pretty words aside, everyone who is trying to develop a talent needs to feel that they can screw up and still be noticed. That’s where you come in. Encourage them, especially when it seems they are lagging in motivation. Support them when they get past the joyful stage. Be the reason they keep going. You’ll only benefit from it in the long run. Wouldn’t like to say you know someone famous? I know, we’d all rather be famous than just say we know someone who is. But being the reason someone else followed their dream to fruition is a feeling like no other. Even fame and fortune can’t give you that.

If you need some encouragement drop me a line and tell me a little about yourself. If you’d like to help me out, share this post with your social media friends and help me get my message to more people like you. Either way, I’d love to hear from you.